Lift kara de!

"Make it fast you fat-ass... we'll miss the Honda City wale uncle".

My roommate calls me by that name, without even an iota of embarrassment. FYI, his body proportions go like 85-125-110.

As always, I laughed it off pitying his overblown aspirations of being able to match my athletic body frame someday!

"Come on dude. It's only 9:10. That chap comes at 9:20. There's no chance we'll miss him. Now shut up and let me concentrate... Wallet. Watch. ID card. Hankerchief. Earphones. Cellphone. All set... lets go...!"

"Dude... you forgot wearing your pants!"

"Oh my god! You are so funny Anuj! Now move you Gainda-Fool!"

 

We rushed towards the elevator.

"Why is this damn thing always at 0? @#$%%$TER@#@#!#!^&%#$@!", I cried impatiently.

Living at the 11^th floor isn't always fun, especially when you know that your boss can fire you for entering office 5 mins late.

We finally managed our way down.

"Okay. Here's our chance. You see that car coming. Just pounce on it. I bet it's going towards Mindspace", Anuj readied himself for thumbing.

"What are you doing???", I pulled him back forcibly.

"That's against the rules! We DON'T take lift from Maruti 800's and Alto's. PERIOD", I tried to make a straight face.

"Loser… Look at the time! First you take bloody 25 minutes in the bathroom doing god knows what. And then these tantrums! I'll loose my job like this!"

"Shut up and walk. And walk slowly. Our chances of getting a lift dip drastically as we near the main road."

"Look ahead you fool. We are almost at the main road. And I see no prospective lift coming our way. You let go our only chance. Saala maruti mei nai jayega… bhaav to dekho!"

"Look behind…", I ordered Anuj trying not to show my excitement.

"Honda City!!! You sure it's him?"

"Looks like… Now get aside. My track record at this is better than yours"

 

I moved ahead confidently to signal for a lift.

I just raised my hand a little and the grey sedan de-accelerated to a smooth halt right in front of us. The window slithered down. A breeze of cool ambi-pur scented air gushed at us almost making us forget the formalities!

 

"Aaa… Sir… Cyber Towers?" Anuj stammered in his trademark extra-polite, almost fake, accentuated manner.

"Yes yes… Hop in". Pat came the reply from inside.

"Thank you sir", we both murmured - more out of habit than a feeling of gratitude!

 

"So… now you regularly hitchhiking?", asked the person driving, in an almost self-congratulatory tone. "You followed my advice!"

"Yes sir. We thought you were right. Haggling with 3 autos, inhaling all that pollution… It's not wise after all.", explained Anuj.

You can't beat him when it comes to articulating utter nonsense perfectly!

 

"I told you last time only when I first gave you lift. You shouldn't be shy. It's a duty of people like us who have a car to help people like you who have to commute daily in such adverse conditions and then slog it out the rest of the day in office. I completely understand!" 

"Ya Yaaaa!" I yawned almost dozing off given the AC comfort and ample leg room. "Honda has made a fine car!"

Till distances do us apart

We’ll meet and share moments together
Moments, that we promised, will last a lifetime
A lifetime may not be enough, you said
To express the love that’s all mine

We’ll sit for hours, staring at each other…
And not say a word
We’ll just lie there, and enjoy the silence
 And let the stars say the story untold

We’ll be together, happy as ever
The madness will always be there
Your touch will always be as special,
And we’ll live life with reasons to cheer

All this and more… we promised to each other
We promised… separation- will happen never
Guess the stars have played their part
And distances have done us apart

We know, all’s not well
Not that we didn’t try… gave it many a chance
We simply, aren’t the way- for what we strived
But that’s all right, till the day we realized
We don’t speak the way we used to…
And neither do the stars

Still, I’d like to believe… all’s not lost.
That touch, that’s no longer with me…
I’ll try to revisit, holding my own hand
That love, which is fading away…
I’ll rekindle, with even more love and warmth
The fire, that once raged; The spark, we thought we had
I’ll reignite
The bleakness that’s abound; The darkness, that’s gripping us…
I’ll bring light

And I’ll do this all,
I’ll do even more…
To make sure
You are always mine

Then again, the stars may never speak up,
And we may never get off to a new start
But I’ll never fail to try harder
Till distances, really do us apart

A Second Lease of Life

There have been times, in the past 10 months, when i felt at lack of something. When I felt some feelings were not finding an outlet (Not that I was'nt allowed to go to the toilet!). As if some integral part of my life was suddenly just not there anymore. I was at grave loss. I was shattered. I went into depression. Okay... I'm exaggerating!
But seriously yaar... Even peecee started complaining. I wasnt exploiting him the way i used to, you know! And then there are my countless fans out there, who just can't live without me. Their love forced me back in here! Not that I myself didn't want to. But there's something called PR too! I have given in to the call of the times and the fans!
Well... Now that I am back... What are you waiting for!!! Where's my 'Welcome back' cake??? Where's the champagne? 
Guys... I'm BACK!!! Heyy... look there... one guy clapped! Thanks bro! I knew somebody's been waiting!

Okay okay... Cut the noise! Now you people are anxious to know where have i been all these days, right? Why did i go into this self-imposed absentia? Did i get marooned on an island with no internet connectivity? Did the aliens abduct me? Did I go on a mission to abduct the aliens?
Well well well... It's a long looooonnng looooooonnnnnnnggggg story. To cut it short... I got into an IT company. Now you know eh!
That's right. College got over; joined Accenture- that too at Chennai; had a blast there managing with broken English and even more broken Tamil; had plenty of sambhar, idli, dosa, vada, uthappam; got bored of the beach (yes, you read it right!); got transferred to hyderabad; underwent an eye surgery; experienced complete blindness for 24 hours; and yes whenever i got time out of all these things- worked quite a lot at office!

You can wipe those tears off now! When I'm here, have no fear!
It's been a long time... I hope I haven't lost the touch. Lot's to catch up, lot's to read. Don't know what buddy bloggers have been up to all these months.

Let's start off with sharing the latest instance of something I do best - Dream! Yes, I'm at it again! But this time, the dream had a moral lesson underlining it! I've grown up you see! Here goes the nightmarish dream -

It was a scorching summer day. The sun relentlessly shining with all its might. No sign of clouds in sight. News channels shouting "Heat wave across India". One of the news channels had a scientist commenting on the weather. He perdicted catastrophe- "Cloud formation is not happening. Global warming has stopped the evaporation-condensation cycle. The world is going to experience a long, unbearable summer. Arctic ice is melting faster than we can gauge. The world may experience tsunamis with waves over 100m in height destroying all coastal cities. And soon, sea levels will drop drastically. Marine life is under threat. The world... is nearing its end."

Thank God this one ended quickly. Gosh! Scary thought. Phew!
Well... don't worry that much. Just switch off that A.C. The room is comfortable enough now.
And heyy... why is that cell phone charger switched on? I don't see the phone being charged. Switch it off!
I'm sure you'd never like this nightmare turning into reality. So work towards it; Our planet may not get a second lease of life.

You can put that smile back on your face now. Coz remember... I'm back!

Official Audio Release: 'Light Kab Aayegi'

Now stop wondering and giggling at that name! Read on, coz this is goin to be a life-changing experience, especially for those agonized by daily electricity cuts and load shedding. Guys, your anthem is here!

This is our first full-fledged 100% original song. With 'our' i mean, that this song is composed, written and sung by me and my friend - Vaibhav.
There's a little story behind this song. It dates to about 2 years back. Me and Vaibhav were sitting idly, bored to hell, as there was no electricity. We ultimately decided to play Carrom, but with the board upside-down! Lousily and lethargically, we went about tossing the striker and wondering..."Light Kab Aayegi yaar...". And then, it happened! EUREKA! "Lets compose a song"!!!
I picked up my guitar and started strumming in search of a catchy tune...
The rest, as they say, is history!

So here it is, a song which we composed 2 years back, digitally recorded for all you guys to listen and appreciate. Yes. Appreciation is mandatory.


~~~~~THE OFFICIAL AUDIO-RELEASE CEREMONY ~~~~~

Blow the trumpets
Unleash the Champagne Fountain
And hail the latest pop sensation.... 'PnV'

Ok guys. Now all you have to do, is click on the link below.. RIGHT NOW.

Download the song and let the music play baby!!!

Light Kab Aayegi [Download Here]

[Alternate Download Link 1 (4Shared)]

[Alternate Download Link 2 (Rapidshare)]

Artist : PnV

Lead Vocalist : Vaibhav Verma

Backing Vocals : Pranay Sethi

Lyrics : Vaibhav Verma and Pranay Sethi
Composition : Vaibhav Verma and Pranay Sethi
Music : Pranay Sethi


So guys.. wat are u waiting for!!! Listen to the song online, or download the song and listen to it on your favourite music player, share it with your friends and let the world know about it!

It Elevates!

There's a lot that can happen in an elevator. Well.. you can atleast make a lot happen. Because the elevator or 'lift', is inherantly a really interesting place.
It's a vehicle where perfect strangers stand barely milimetres apart, and stare at eachother, or the walls, or into the mirror. It's the panacea for the handicapped, and hell for the claustrophobic. People exhibit rare phenomena inside those closed walls while they are waiting for the lift to thud to a stop at their destination.

Some adventurous kinds find it the perfect place to do what had long been thought of as strictly a bedroom activity. Reaching an orgasm before the lift comes to a halt gives them a high, more ecstatic than the orgasm itself. And then there's the possiblity of the lift getting stuck between two floors. That's utopia for them.
There are other sorts of travellers as well. Like those who love to put their creative side on display by sculpting an artefact on the elevator's mirror with that chewing gum in their mouth. They derive immense self pride in the fact that they have embellished a perfectly spotless mirror with their prized gum creation. Super!
And then there are people who just have to press all the buttons on the panel, even if there's a 'Freefall' button on it.
Also, there are those who crave for an empty lift. God knows what they crave to do for those barely 20 seconds when they are trapped all alone inside a metersquare cubicle. Well there are plenty of things. Some ladies get the invaluable time for touching up their makeup. Some dance, while some practice for Indian Idol Season 1037. You can count me in for the latter case. Yeah baby, those 20 seconds are my 'riyaaz' time!

Ok, enough of categorization. There are many normal folks also, who simply do nothing or stare at their watch, or fiddle with their mobiles. But you know, the lift can be fun. The fact that neither you, nor the people rubbing shoulders with you, have anything to do for a good 20 seconds, is in itself quite curiously potential! If you are even slightly wacky (like me!), those 20 seconds can drive others on-board crazy, while giving you the kick of a lifetime. 


Check out my TOP 10 MUST-DO'S in an Elevator:
(I take no responsibility, whatsoever be the result in case you decide to try out any of these.)

1) PICK YOUR NOSE:
Put your index finger straightaway into your nonstril and rotate vigourously. That may sound YUCK! Well... its not your problem. It actually is. But its more FUN than YUCK. Now when you have got enough material (ewwww!), just find the cleanest wall around, and aim at a spot.. and SPAT! Throw it hard enough that it sticks to the wall! And then.. comes the victorious moment... Look at each disgusted person in the lift and give that triumphant look as if you just won an Olympic Gold! "YEAHHHH"!! And then watch them fall sick!

2) UNLEASH THE CRY-BABY IN YOU:
Just let those tears flow and the shrieks echo in the confines of the lift. Cry out as loudly as possible... moan and groan. But the key here is, dont give others a clue about the reason behind your sudden outburst. Keep them guessing and confused. Cry louder if someone tries to console you, and put all the blame on that fellow!

3) DELIVER A LECTURE/SPEECH:
Here's your chance to voice your opinions about issues plaguing the world and your society. The lift provides you with a stage, and your co-travellers are your (helpless) audience. Blurt out loud, all your knowledge about world peace, global warming, corrupt politicians, and terrorism. Dont forget to use direct speech. Talk in terms of "You", point fingers directly and give your own talismans. Just let the fits of rage show!
HINT: Take cues from Star News, Aaj Tak, India TV and Zee News on how to scare people with the weirdest of news and bone-chilling way of speaking.

4) FART and STARE:
You need some preparation for this. Eat lotsa mooli paranthas or pakoras. Then step into the lift. And fart your way to glory! And then starts the fun. Pick one person (besides yourself!) from the fellas present on-board. Now you just have to give subtle signals. Move away from him/her. Pinch your nose in discontent. And keep staring the person and make all believe that he/she's the culprit. Then watch him get isolated in the middle, while others make their way towards the edges. And when your stop comes and the door opens, just sound a HUGE sigh of relief!

5) TIE THY LACES:
This one is best done in jam packed conditions, when there isnt an inch of moving space in the lift. Bend down, causing lots of inconvenience to all around. Now keep tying and untying your shoelaces. Or still better, tie together laces of different people shoes. And then, simply watch the fun.

6) THE DEPRESSED SOUL:
Now this needs patience. Stand in one corner, facing the walls, and put a grim look on your face. Dont talk, dont react, and dont bother to get down at any stop. Just stay there like that, sad and depressed, helpless and poor soul, dejected by the world. You are sure to spark off some interesting discussions and oh-mi-gawds!

7) YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT?:
Early morning, push a table and a chair inside the elevator. Get seated on the chair and put some papers and a pen on the table, and simply wait. Now whenever the door opens, you simple have to say : "Heyllo Senor. You have an appointment?".

8) KILL ALL SUCKERS:
Find imaginary flies in the lift, and swat em hard. Hit the imaginary mosquitoes on the walls. And in case you manage to seriously kill a fly, show off its left overs (stuck to your palm) to others, victoriously and with the most evil laugh..."Suckers!". You can also be considerate enough to charge upon any flies (existent or not) sitting on others faces, shoulders, backs and heads.

9) RINGTONE RINGTONE:
Usually cellphones come with some really irritating ringtones. I have one which has the weirdest animal sounds in it. Then there are the various type of fart ones, and those loud LOUD futuristic, funky and almost irritating ones. Heres a brilliant way to utilize em all. Play them at maximum volume, and flaunt them as if they are your original compositions. Put the speaker of your phone just next to the ear of a person on-board, and watch him shriek and jolt.

10) SHOCK LAGA LAGA LAGA :
Press a button on the panel, and go 'BOOOOM'! As if it blasted off. Then press another and shake the hell out as if you just got an electric shock. Repeat it several times, and then watch others hesitantly head for the shock-giving buttons!


These are all tried and tested measures to attain lots of publicity and but even more flak, and a few black eyes. But hey, one thing's for sure - The elevator elevates! Not only your body, but your spirits as well!
So comeon... tell me, which one you liked the best, and tell me if there are more you can think of. Am sure you can! And do tell me what happened if you actually did try out any of these!

How I Equalled a Sequel

It's long since i wrote something, right? Well you see, my exams are going on, so I am supposed to study. But it's obviously not that i am supposed to actually do whatever i am supposed to do! Right?
So its not that i have not been writing. I was actually writing on another blog. (I can see ThinkTrash frown!!!)
Well, Sameera organized a competition of sorts on her blog, and invited fellow bloggers (like me) to write a sequel to her story - Dumbstruck. Please read the original by clicking on the link, and then read my sequel.

Here it goes...

.........
...Throwing caution to the winds, he cleared his throat and said, "Excuse me". She did not turn. Was she ignoring him or had she not heard? Maybe it was because of the music. "Excuse me", he said a little more loudly once more. This time, she turned. He was dumbstruck, and almost gasped. Her lips were a rosy pout and her nose like a model's. Her eyes were the most beautiful he had ever seen, a combination of amethyst and turquoise. And they were also blind...
//my sequel begins here---------------------------------------

She was looking at him, searching for his eyes, as if trying to make a contact. Noticing the activity in her eyes, he was taken aback for a moment. He felt as if the earth had moved beneath his feet. But so smitten he was- to her beauty, her charm and the earthy sensuality she exuded, that he couldnt help looking at her. To his surprize, he didnt feel even a slight sense of pity for her. He was infact appaled by her sheer courage. He was falling for her - the girl with the most beautiful pair of eyes. He wanted to speak to her. Wanted to know her. But couldnt gather the courage to speak a word.
"Did you say something?", she broke the silence, as if sensing his uneasyness.
"Ahh... well.. yes". She tracked down the source of the voice. "Do you know how far is Brown Street?". He regretted it the moment he mouthed that. He had asked a dumb question to a girl who couldnt see.
She stroked her fingers over her wrist-watch. And it just took her a second to reply - "about eight to ten minutes".
He simply stared, mesmerized. "Thank You", he said somehow in a broken voice.
It was a trying situation for him as the feeling started sinking in, that she is 'blind'. But the feeling of love and passion overpowered every other. He couldnt take his mind off her. Then he turned to his side. Her face gleamed with beauty. So much so, that it made him forget all his doubts, all his reservations.
"Hi, I am Chris. Chris Korth". He attempted to start a conversation.
"Hi. Has'nt the brown street stop arrived yet?". He was glad she was concerned.
"Ahh... actually i lied to you. It's just that i wanted to strike a conversation. Ahh.. You are... beautiful!". He poured his heart out in that one word.
Alarmed, she retorted sternly- "before you say anything else, i'd like you to know that i can't see. I am blind. Now i dont think you'd like to continue your conversation".
Chris's eyes went moist. The struggle and pain, hidden somewhere in that statement, hit him directly. "I... I know that. But I also know that i have never ever seen such lovely eyes. It's the best gift God could have given you".
That came as a shock to the young woman. She had grown up getting nothing but condolenses and sympathies thrown at her. She had strived to tell the world that she can live with this disability, just like anybody else. But the world had always tried to thwart her confidence by reminding her time and again that she can be at best, a lifeless imitation of life itself.
And here was a guy, a complete stranger, who has given her the best compliment of her life. She melted immediately.
"Nobody has ever said something like that to me. Thank You."
Chris was at cloud nine. Her voice had a husky quality to it that almost hytnotized him.

It occured to him - "Whats your name? What do you do?"
"Grace. I work as a fitness instructor."
"No wonder you yourself are so fit Grace!", Chris joked. A smile flashed on her face. And Chris's heart skipped a beat. It was the most genuine, most radiant and the most innocent smile he had ever seen. He thought he'd go mad like this.

"Grace... Would you mind if we have lunch together". Chris asked, hesitantly.
Grace knew this was coming. She wanted to say yes. She wanted to know this man. She had always wanted a man in her life, who would understand her, appreciate her and not take her as a liability. She wanted a man who could look beyond her disability. And he was right there, sitting to her left.
"But I don't even know you. How can i accompany you for lunch?". Grace did'nt want the excitement to show.
"Well what do you wanna know? I am a journalist- a freelancer. I earn a handsome amount. And i can afford lunch at any restaurant you like!"
"Any restaurant?", Grace continued with the good humour. She felt a strange comfort with Chris. She felt secure and complete.
Chris smiled, and nodded.
"So lets go to the Hilton. It's also close to my place! We'll get down at the last stop."

Chris was beaming, and he was all set to embrace the best evening of his life.
And he had obviously forgotten about his appointment with the dentist.



Thanx Sameera!
Here's a link to the other entries she recieved.
She gifted this to all the entrants :

I can proudly say that :

I'd like to know what did you guys think of my sequel... so now click on that Comments link... Fast!

A Plea for Help

I am overworked, underpaid, and overexploited. I am tortured mercilessly, and I still can’t complain to anybody. I am lonely and am desolate. The life I live is monotonously mechanical and routine. I am crushed under slavery and there’s no ray of hope in sight.
I am, Pranay’s Laptop. And it isn’t easy to be one.

I can’t even commit suicide. He won’t let me do that, coz I know, he’ll also die if I cease to exist! So basically, am caught in this never-ending cycle of life and death. Oh... Lord Babbage (You see... he was the Father of Computers. He gave birth to us.), please give me freedom from this freaky world of humans. Atleast free me from THIS barbaric, weirdo and unrelenting master.

I ask you... do you torture your ‘peecee’ like this?? Yes, I don’t like the so called P.C. Its so... arghhhh! How would you humans feel if we call you by abbreviations? "Heyy BB!!! Ooops... Bipasha Basu!"
So stop calling me that Pee dot Cee dot.

Ya, so where was I? Yes... Is every computer on this earth as tortured and helpless as I am? I wake up early, work throughout the day, am forced to open lousy webpages everyday, and am made to sing at the top of my voice – that too the songs I hate (He doesn’t like Himesh, can you believe it!!!). And what do I get in return?? Nothing!
My throat aches every night, and I don’t even get any cough syrup. He can atleast download an image of Glycodine and save it on the desktop. But no, he just feeds me electricity... day and night... just 220V of pure electrifying electricity. What the hell!

Oh, how can I forget his noble acts of charity and philanthropy? He gifted me the trial edition of an Anti-Spyware on my last birthday. How chweeeeeeeeeeeet!!!
Imagine you being gifted a Raincoat on your birthday. Now you feel the agony?

There was a time when i was in the hands of Pranay's brother, and was used for doing interesting things. I was given interesting algorithms to make and softwares to build. My mind was sharp and it was utilized to its optimum. This is what we all strive for. We are essentially brainy guys, you see...
But now, its all changed. Coz now, my master has changed. Pranay is a lazy doom. He doesnt have an iota of brain in himself and is making me dull too. He just dictates me his good-for-nothing blogs, and makes me write and compile them. 
Imagine the agony of going through each and every blog of his! I know you all can relate to my anguish. He almost makes me feel old and ailing. I wonder if i have wrinklesappearing on my face... Ohh dear!
And thats not the end. I am kept on the whole day. He’ll make me sit idle, but won’t let me sleep. I am forced to act as postman. Transporting emails, scraps or IMs between him and his friends is a routine business for me. I once told him to please make an Orkut account for me, and he just laughed it away! What does he think of himself!
Don’t computers have a life? Don’t we have a heart? Don’t we have feelings? I also like to socialize. But he doesn’t even give me a chance. The only encounter I have with species of my kind is with his cellphone. But here too, no physical contact allowed. He always uses Bluetooth. This wireless I tell you, it has ruined our sex life. But he can atleast use Infrared. Its short-range and slow, so I can be in contact for a longer time and be much closer to the phone. Though even that’s of no use. His phone is a Sony you see, and we at Dell don’t get physical with rivals. Huh!

But yes, there was a time, when life was pure bliss. He used to take me to his college some time back. There I met the girl of my dreams. She was a Caucasian too, just like me. White as Snow. We were the stuff, fairytales are made of. She had beautiful and wide 15.4” eye. Her Altec Lansing speakers said sweet nothings to my ears. I could'nt help but blush! My CPU ran at millions of MFLOPS everytime she came close to me. Love blossomed, and we planned for a live-in relationship. She had ample space in her disk you see. We both could have easily lived together.
But in our world, true love is seldom understood by our masters. Pranay stopped taking me to college. And that was that. I even forgot to ask for her email ID. I’ll have to hack Pranay’s address book now. I hate acting mean, but I am left with no option. Now where did I keep the dump of the ‘I Love You’ virus. This is what we computers have to do, when we don’t get what we want and the slavery becomes unbearable – we disguise our desperation as viruses and play havoc on our masters!
Now you’ll see my wicked side Pranay. Now you’ll realize my worth.


- A troubled laptop
(I would appreciate your condolences. Will try to come back here and read your comments before that moron comes and sees them.)